sucker love is heaven sent

long time no post

2007-01-12T17:36:10Z

how is everyone?

senses_bleed @ 2005-08-13T09:31:00

2005-08-13T12:32:19Z

just to say I will be moving to Cali in September. That is all :)

senses_bleed @ 2005-07-30T14:03:00

2005-07-30T13:03:44Z

sometimes i wish i can just take a break from my own life. to escape for a little while, even if just for a day, and not have to worry about all the trivial things in life that stress me out. sometimes it feels like all my problems become so overwhelming that all i can do is stay still and become numb. but then reality sets in, and then i wonder if my problems are even problems at all, and not just over-exagarated events created in my own mind. sometimes i think too much to the point where i lose sleep and my body aches. sometimes i feel like a 40 year old stuck in a 19yr olds body, just awaiting it's turn to distruct and decay. sometimes i wonder what it would feel like just to be spoiled. but knowing me i know that'll never happen because i worry too much about other people, and there's nothing worse than the idea of me being a burden to sometime else in any way shape or form. which only explains why i can't talk about my problems to anyone without feeling guilty. but these are all just words. they lack clarity and have no resonance. i'm just a little boy pretending to be a grown up by carrying some make believe world on my shoulders.

senses_bleed @ 2005-06-18T21:31:00

2005-06-19T01:44:38Z

it's amazing the things we do in the company of the right people. and how one day you just find yourself outside in the middle of the night, running around under the heavy rainstorm after a show, drenched from head to toe, and wanting to be nowhere else but there. it was like we were 6 years old again. back in those days when something so simple as water falling from the sky, can bring so much life and giddyness. it was exhilarating and calming at the same time. it was surreal.

here are some pictures from before and after the show on Saturday, and a couple thrown in from a gig in Philly last week.

for copyright purposes i can't post pictures of the show itself, which sucks.. so i do apologize.

Charlie, Leigh and me

my sister Rachael and me. yeah.. i don't know what was going on there

some random Dutch girl in a cat suit, me and Mike

Mike and B-Rad

Mike

Ryan

Chloe and Rach

Melissa and Me.

that's your lot.

senses_bleed @ 2005-06-17T19:30:00

2005-06-16T23:14:01Z

i'm feeling empty tonight. fuel me with sweet melodies and blank truths and maybe i'll find some peace . scribbling down in my mind but not on page, what it is i really want from everything and everyone. things that seem like it'll never come and never be and i'll just exist, in between the heat of the sun and the light of the moon. where i can breathe, between ink stains and soft cushions of comfort that yield my tension as this life goes on without me. i hear the notes but i cant reach it. i want to be everything i'm not and everything they are. theres a nothingness that trails behind me as i walk on through a single path ive designated for myself. i'm feeling out of touch and for some reason, i'm fine with it. i know that i can exist without everyone but its just existing. i can have everything and anything happen to me and i dont really think i'd tell anyone about it. i don't know what's sadder... that its the truth or that i'm desperately hoping that its not. its hard to live in a world like this where everything is nothing and everything to me.

you can find me behind guard dogs and concrete walls of lies and fear.

We have an absolutely massive gig this weekend.

Raleigh, be ready.

let me know if you change your mind

senses_bleed @ 2005-05-21T10:36:00

2005-05-21T09:37:18Z

hi.

HEY

2005-05-12T22:46:42Z

long time no.. fuck all, actually.

I've been pretty busy you could say. But as usual I can't be arsed writing everything out. sorryy

Band's good. Been good to have a couple months break too. Heading back Europe way in the not too distant future. Looking forward to it.

I miss a whole lot of you. I'm sorry i suck at keeping in touch, but hey.

blahblah. yeah.

I'm alive. That's all I really wanted to say.

[ It's odd how the things I once loved about you now make you seem annoying. ]

senses_bleed @ 2005-02-16T20:48:00

2005-02-16T20:50:31Z

hey guys. sorry i haven't updated in ages (for those of you that care).

on tour just now with the guys in the UK. Manchester right now, Leeds tomorrow and then on to conquer the rest of Europe!!! er. or something like that. :)

don't have time for a proper update but hey, will some pics do?

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senses_bleed @ 2005-01-13T16:45:00

2005-01-13T21:51:36Z

some pics

ps/ how cute is this pic of zach *sigh*

senses_bleed @ 2005-01-09T23:21:00

2005-01-09T23:30:30Z

We recorded a couple of tracks originally written by The Beach Boys at band practice last night. And oh my god, the versions we have come up with are fucking amazing. It started just with us messing around with sounds and lyrics, but looks like it'll be the base for our new ep :)

Thank fuck for The Beach Boys <3

senses_bleed @ 2005-01-06T17:24:00

2005-01-06T21:27:36Z

MySpace

I'm not the one who left and took everything you never had.
And I'll never get it. But I'm here to listen.
And I'm sorry I'm pushing,
I just got your letter,
anditscoldandImissyouandIhopeyoucantakethis.

Like I can. Like I will

help?

2005-01-04T04:43:29Z

does ANYONE know of a website server where i can store my mp3s and link them up for you guys to hear?

i don't like using purevolume :/

senses_bleed @ 2005-01-03T09:21:00

2005-01-03T15:22:28Z

as an insomniac, the worst moment you can get to is that moment the sun comes up. at that point, you've realised you've been up all night without any (or much) sleep and the mental battle to force yourself to sleep seems like a failed mission. heavy eyes, glazed and tired. your mind starts overflowing with everything you've thought about while you've had the time to do so while being awake. the bed you usually use for comfort and refuge quickly becomes your worst enemy as you toss and turn. everything becomes incomprehensible and what made so much sense just a few hours earlier, is just a part of a tangled mess inside your head that is just burried underneath an immense lack of sleep. im close to burning out....i need some proper sleep.

Paul, came over really late last night for a few hours.. it was suucch a good surprise. Just lying on my bed just talking to him has never felt so needed before.

Anyway, its early in the morning and although my muscles feel all tightened up and sore, im up and about. i didnt get to bed until 5a.m and had been fumbling around beaneath the bedsheets all night. yeah, on my own.

Trying to sleep makes sleep so counter-productive that i just gave up and got out of bed at 7. i'm wishing something good will happen today to take a bit of this pain away.

pps// Seth: Thursday seems like a good idea to me if you're up for it. Sorry I never came back last night, will tell you about it later. x

senses_bleed @ 2005-01-01T10:02:00

2005-01-01T14:03:06Z

sometimes I think everyone hates me, but then i realize it's just that I hate myself.

happy new year

senses_bleed @ 2004-12-31T04:18:00

2004-12-31T12:19:51Z

fuck. the wonders of alcohol

senses_bleed @ 2004-12-31T01:27:00

2004-12-31T06:28:51Z

sometimes you never know what's just round the corner. if you're willing to stick around, maybe you'll be rewarded in some way or another.

or then again

maybe not :(

senses_bleed @ 2004-12-30T20:05:00

2004-12-31T01:05:49Z

hate is so much more comforting than love.

you can learn a lot more about a person from the way they hate. love and hate are the same thing, but love is much more all-encompassing, more uniform; it's the same for everyone.

hate is your special touch.

senses_bleed @ 2004-12-28T19:08:00

2004-12-29T02:09:01Z

new piercing

new start?

hmm.

senses_bleed @ 2004-12-26T16:33:00

2004-12-26T21:39:52Z

her skin cringes, her head hurts. her mind traps a cannonball of aggravation, and like a caged bird, she refuses to set it free. knock on my door, or let me in yours. either way, i thought you knew i was here to stay?

your fingernails are growing longer - i can feel them scrape along my arms. they are leaving marks of vengence. your head is about to explode, because, in reality, away from all the books, all the knowledge, all the overly put in hours at work, you are just as sad and sorry as i am in this sick, twisted fate we attempt to call a life. i'm no better than you, and you are no better than i.

like a locked door, i need a key to open it.
so hand over the fucking peice of metal, will you? please

senses_bleed @ 2004-12-25T20:20:00

2004-12-25T01:26:04Z

when its dark i squeeze my eyes shut and hope for my mind to comply. and in the morning i pry my eyes open and wonder what would happen if i got in my car.

senses_bleed @ 2004-12-14T11:19:00

2004-12-14T19:20:19Z

im infatuated with how the earth keeps moving and im so intent on standing still. i think of you as the sun and i hate for it to go because the moon is clarity. i might as well see right through it, its so transparent. and the time between, what of the time between. i rotate among thinking im doing too much, doing not enough and being right where i should be.
im infatuated with how the earth keeps moving and im so intent on standing still. i think of you as the sun and i hate for it to go because the moon is clarity. i might as well see right through it, its so transparent. and the time between, what of the time between. i rotate among thinking im doing too much, doing not enough and being right where i should be.

senses_bleed @ 2004-12-13T23:59:00

2004-12-14T00:07:20Z

i've been feeling so depressed lately. depressed to the point where i'm too busy to even come to my place of refuge from the real world. for this i apologise.

so much stuff seems to be getting me down just now. i'd like to think it was stupid and unimportant, but it's not. i won't even begin to tell you the half of it.

but what saddens me more is that one of my favorite holidays of the year - christmas, i'm having to spend in shitty boyertown with a bunch of people i call my family, whom i haven't socialised with in god knows how long.

this was only meant to be a short update to tell those of you who are even slightly bothered - that i am in fact alive.

so goodnight.

senses_bleed @ 2004-12-06T15:58:00

2004-12-06T16:03:10Z

today
i am an orange in this world full of lemons.
tomorrow
i will have curbed my petty hatred for couples and relationships in general

i'm the kinda guy you regret dumping but then five minutes later you wonder why we went out in the first place ... i'm a total bitch - some people should just crawl back inside their mom.

9am ... *lights a cigarette* ...

and being petty does nothing ... damn ... just leaves me wide open to the people that intentionally fuck you over and watch you crumble.

senses_bleed @ 2004-12-01T18:57:00

2004-12-01T19:09:44Z

i'm stuart. i'm this tall by this wide - any depth is just the fold in the paper. i live in singlebedness and sexual tension at 88 miles per hour - tripping over my trousers alot, maybe it's time to get new genes. i belong to delaware county. the inner stuart = life like a hundred piece jigsaw, mind like a three piece suite, soul like a sixteen piece dinner service with matching designer motif, and yeah, you always used to say i had such lovely handwriting for a boy, but i wish i was a leftie. i only discover something new about myself by meeting people from my past, i daydream, i wake, i sleep, and i don't do half the things people say i do.

ps. i'm back. miss me?

senses_bleed @ 2004-11-26T14:04:00

2004-11-26T14:04:31Z

getting hurt is the only way we really learn anything. everything else is just fumbling around in the dark. hoping not to get hurt. so, in a way, being hurt is like being enlightened, as to the truth. the true nature of things.

and hurting a little, each day, is being alligned with the human condition.

hurting is seeing and moving. when the hurting stops, youre in trouble.